Hide me now
I was remarking to myself at how nicely my wound is healing without scars. I am amazed. All the tenderloving care I gave it is finally bearing fruits. The worst part of the wound is no longer raw, but very tender. Scabs have fallen off and new skin is growing. AND!! I just scratched it and it is burning up with a sting! It was itchy. It was calling for my fingers. All wounds must be treated gently, Ladies and Gentlemen. Please bear that in mind.
Testing this uploading of photo thingy. Just how do you do it yourself Mr Joe Sim?
<img src=’/images/pinktop_01.jpg’ alt=’pink top’ />
Is it really possible to separate the being into its components and live in just one dimension? How do all 3 dimensions co-exist? How does one filter through the whisperings of the heart, the cerebral rationalising, the beckoning of the spirit? Test it through the Word of God? So we live by the Spirit and do a system over-ride over our emotions and rationality?
If God has created us without emotions, longings and a brain, it would have been so much easier to answer those questions. Just how do we tamper our emotions and longings and rationalising with His word?
I tend to gravitate towards this school of thought: We can pay the price of obedience, but not the price of disobedience. I suppose we can (if we choose to disobey), but 会死的佷难看！哈哈！Jokes aside, it’s imperative that we put these emotions, longings and thoughts under the lordship of Christ. It’s quite one matter to receive salvation and another to live under His lordship.
This should certainly make decision-making easier. But it is not! Because each dimension is vying for attention. The heart doesn’t like to be rationalised. The head doesn’t want to be emotionalised (No such word but I am coining it! Trust the Americans to always do it! I am a yellow banana tho not an American!). The following is the part I like best. What the head and the heart think and feel respectively have no bearings on what the Holy Spirit is speaking to us. No bearing at all. And it brings about such peace, such calmness. It quells the noise and clutter in our head and heart.
Philippians 4:7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
God is indeed faithful and true to his Word. Let’s get our bearings right!
Footnote:
I am aware that I didn’t actually answer my own questions. But who says all questions must have answers? Where is the fun in life if we all possess the knowledge to the mysteries of life. The process of discoverys is more exciting as God brings us to an unfolding of the journey He’s designed for us. I shudder to think if we have all the answers to life, it will be a life of predictability and eventually becomes boring, which will breed more complaints & lamentations anyway. Can’t please everyone right God?
Psalms 119:105 - Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
Yeah! A lamp, not a floodlight!
Times of uncertainties are hard to bear for the being instinctively needs to know just what is around the bend. 2 things. We have repeatedly heard that we are called human beings. We are to be and not to do. "Beings" A concept I’ve been finding merit in. The irony is it actually takes a lot of "doings" to become a "beings". We have to learn to stop doing and simply just intentionally and purposefully seeking rest. To enter a state of rest one simply needs to seek peace from the right source. I like that. It’s not easy, at least not for me. Just what do you do during a rest. And, God does not ask us for something that costs us nothing. Trust, in this journey, costs us something. Faith, the Bible says, "makes us certain of realities we do not see" (Heb 11:1 NEB).
It will probably be cold comfort to my closed ones who are in pain now. My dear friends, my words fail me to bring you comfort. Trust in God’s lovingkindness. Trust in a God who will battle for you…
I am reminded of a writing I wrote (technically I typed it) yesterday. Below is my reflection for times of uncertainties. Shared it with a few friends. I thought I blog it.
"Trust is such a difficult thing when the road ahead is filled with so many uncertainties. It’s so easy to play God and start taking the planning back into our own hands. If God has given us brains, what kind of stewardship are we showing by not entrusting our lives into His hands and brains instead? Why do our gifts sometimes backfire on us? What distract us from following God’s plans? What stirs within our hearts that we can’t simply rest in His timing?
Emotions and desires and longings and analyses are not wrong. But they can be ill-timed. How can we walk in God’s divine timing and plan? I pray this prayer last night during my Quiet Time, that I will not be led by my own head and heart, but by the Holy Spirit. So many manuals point us in so many different directions. But only the Great Comforter can quell the whisperings in our heart, and the methodical planning in our heads, to lead us in an intentional journey to God’s purpose and plan in our lives.
This morning, I intentionally quieten my heart and my head, so that I can hear the gentle voice of the Holy Spirit beckoning me within the veil. Last night, I sought after God in the song "In the Secret". My heart’s desire is to know and touch God, and let everything else fade into the shadows. My prayer is that I will return everyday to this first calling."
Written on 20 Mar 06 1159 p.m.
Took a different route home today and had to walk past the trail where I had my road rash last Mon. I cringed and winced as I cast a glance at the trail. Not so much for my own wound, but a painful reminder of Jesus’ intense wounds. His love held him on the cross. Jo fell while blading on Sat and ended up with a few superficial cuts on her knee. It clued her into the intensity of my wound. It was so painful I blacked out, feeling blood drained from my head and my lips turned cold. I could–can–only imagine Jesus’ pain… Why did he endure such pain and shame… He gave up his life for a world that rejected him…
Wound is healing. Looked at it again. It seems to be healing nicely. well on its way to recovery what with daily dose of Vit C and Teatree Oil and AntiSeptic Cream and Eurax! Thank God for Eurax! Or else I will be scratching the itch all day and night! Would I want to wear my shorts to blade again? I don’t know. I don’t like beach shorts or berms. Impedes my movements. I guess I gotta be extra careful around bends and not make sudden movements no matter how small. But oh the wind kithing my face when I go fast, the feeling of flying, no friction, just a continuous flow of fluid motion… Someday I will return to SFO and blade down the Fisherman’s Wharf in the freezing cold! Brrr! Having my loved one’s hand to hold will be nice and romantic.
Took dogs out for 1.5 hours and let them both expend their huge reservoir of energy. They took a nap after dinner (gave them some fried rice this evening) and are back at rah-rahing with each other again. So amused by them!
Pouting. Been pouting a bit. My upper lip curls up when I am jittery and really tired. Work-related. But it has been a good day. Was focused and productive work was done. Gotta set up a comfortable pace and keep at it consistently, never taking my eyes off the end in mind. Must work towards being resilient and not buckle under pressure.
Psychosomatic. HAven’t heard this one in ages. Just heard it on Desperate Housewives! This word is a powerful word. Most of us don’t realise the amazing link between our subconscience and our body.
caught up briefly with abang pat this evening. He asked if I wanna join him and his friends for bowling! Still such a bowler! And late at night too! Anyways, Pat said I must take care of myself. Will do, Abang.
chatted with Vincent on the phone today. 38 min! He’s in Beijing now. Amanda is now in Malaysia and will meet up with her first week of Apr. She’s expecting their second child! Awesome! Wonder if Samuel remembers me! Vince thinks I should really consider coming up to Shanghai. I don’t know… Still considering it…
Week looks kinda packed to me with work and social engagements. I am feeling a little overwhelmed. Need time to myself such as this evening. I am thankful for friends and family and work nonetheless.
Looking ahead… Going to a Jap restuarant for birthday lunch tmr with colleagues! YAY! Jap food anytime! Wed, Angie & Steve’s place in evening with the gang & more. Fri, social nite out. Sat, am invited to Corine’s church service. Wait a second!! It’s Angie’s wedding this Sat so gotta give service a miss! Will likely send YC off to New York on Sat before the wedding. Sun, CG birthday lunch. Jo invited me to Ivan’s MINDEF kayaking. Amy and gang is really asking me to go to Aur end of month. Hm… I don’t know. I rather spend $ on Manado. Sun, may actually visit His Sanctuary to catch up with my mentor, Hwee Peck and see some old friends. Or maybe visit Aband Pat’s church.
Oh get this! Sharine’s colleague is Vinnie who is Pat’s brother’s wife, who is my mentor’s friend! hahahahah! small world man!!
Dancing requires such precision. I admire dancers’ physique and stamina. Have been praying about joining the Dance Ministry now for over a year. I want to worship God with my entire being. Sometimes I wonder if I should go Wala and places like MOS. I love to dance; I love to express myself through dancing. Does it honor God to be dancing in those places? Am I too legalistic if I stop going? What is my conviction? Or am I just making excuses? Perhaps I can join a Dance Club where more wholesome dancing takes place. Mm, makes more sense.
Question for the day. Can we afford the luxury of obsession? Heard this one Desperate Housewives hahaha!
Wrote in my journal this morning: Sometimes my head hurts when I think too much.
I think (hahaha) perhaps this is the reason why I have no situational awareness. My brain is simply too pre-occupied with other thoughts, busy analysing them, re-editting them, re-processing them, refining them. Blocking out my surroundings may be a way to cope with being overwhelmed by an avalanche of information. Not all the time are the thoughts or concepts or theories filtered through my heart or holy spirit. Not sure if I am more of a feeler or thinker, but I definitely want to be more of a wait-er.
Hands are getting dry from too much washing of dishes. Either get gloves or save for a dishwasher. Ahh, dishwasher! Miss the touch of really clean, warm dishes.
I am 45.25 kg today. Lost .25 kg in 1 week. Vince is amazed at the amount of weight I’ve lost in the last 10 weeks! hahaha! No need Mariefrance and can indulge in the pastries at Delifrance now. hahaha! Mmmmmm, chocolate eclairs!!
Kinda want to drink something warm before bed time. Too tired to make a cup. So going to hop into bed now. *yawn*
Head sure feels lighter after emptying all my thoughts…
Fill in the blanks time. A frog said to another frog, "I am ___________ on a bigger log than yours." One answer given by many kids was "standing." I thought about it and rejected it. I told them that if I accepted this answer, it would mean that frogs would be doing this, and proceeded to squat and then stood up with my arms dangling before me. We had a good class. So no, the answer is "sitting". What about squatting then, someone asked. Again, I said, if frogs can squat, it will only mean they can stand too.
The whole day I had the class repeat after me the word "answer" in American English (feel natural to do that for me). I tossed the question to them, do you know why I keep having you repeat this word. WanTing, the genius of the class, volunteered the most politically correct answer. Because you want us to say "antser" and not "unser"! hahaha! Brilliant! But that’s not the reason. I simply wanted them to pay attention to my instruction! hahaha! they got twicked!! hahahah!
HAHAHA! It was good fun and am gonna play with them every Mon.
God changed my plan for the evening. Wanted to walk the dogs and then jog or blade but it rained. So it was good I had my workout already. Completely forgot about the wound which by now has dried. It doesn’t look hot but I think Ben’s recommendation of Neosprin (I think) should do it.
Written on 20 Mar 06 1.26 p.m. Haven’t quite got the Blogsome timestamp feature figured out yet.
What a day! Went into class and announced, "We are going to the library now!" Whole class unanimously exclaimed, "YAAAAY!" So off we bounced to the library where I journalled and read, as the 30something kids poured intently over their books. I wondered which worlds they were exploring as their eyes traced the words on their pages. They reminded me of gerbils on crack. I think that’s how gerbils on cracks look like. Some kids were busy exploring one another’s ribs and old favourite corners of the library. I could hear the pittar patter of their feet above my book, followed by giggles. Wei Hao and Kang Hao peeped at me; I raised my eyebrows at them. I know I am lenient. But I rather the kids know their limits than having me shout at them. Just then I heard a teacher shout at her kids in frustration for not behaving themselves. My, my, what a start to a new term.
The rest of the day was spent purposefully working on English Comprehension and Maths problem sums, and we went through holiday homework (forced to give by department!).
I’ve got a new boy. Smart & precocious boy. I heard he’s "active." So far ok. Jo said as long as he likes you he will work for you. So far he’s been attentive and co-operative. I like him. It’s S’s birthday and we sang her a cool birthday song and we were treated to a bagful of tibits! Wonderful! 3G was allowed to snack on one of them (all cos I wanted to snack! hahaha!). I munched away on the Chicken Rings. Oh, C got me a birthday gift! It’s a keychain carved with my name, Miss Ho, signed off with a little heart! Soooo sweet! It’s on my lanyard now. What a sweet boy!
New term, new resolution. Feel very serene on the first day. It’s been a good day of labour. I pray that this will be my posture for the rest of the term. Now it’s off to Chess Club, before I clear today’s marking.
Looking forward to my evening.
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