I FEEL REALLY HAPPY TONIGHT! NO! ESTATIC!! I feel like a horse. Free to run again in a lush rolling plain. Not looking back! Just galloping and trotting like I’ve never before! Out of the valley and into the sun! Oh such warmth! Such fragrant crisp air!! AWESOME!!!

My P1 pet student who is now S2 has just asked to visit me in school. I am going to bring him out next week for lunch. Whenever I see him online, his nick changes. Not that it matters. But what it changes to! Tonight it’s some nick unprintable for this blog. I know that it is a symptom of a root issue. Angst of a growing teen perhaps. I always find myself wondering how I should handle him. What role do I play? Fact is I am no longer his teacher so I can’t scold him, not that it will work. Now he calls me JieJie which is probably what I should be to him. A big sister. I know I don’t want to be his mother and start nagging at him. He’s gonna clam up and not confide in me anymore. So I should play it cool (what these kids are saying nowadays) and not be his language patrol. Yup that’s right! I should just be a friend to him. 

Am going back to school again. I am in my sweetspot when I write my psy papers but at the moment I feel daunted! Can I do it?

I believe I am designed for my job (though I would prefer to do it in an air-conditioned classroom). Particularly more effective and productive teaching my class in Comp Lab 3 for obvious reasons–I am an IT girl who can’t do without aircon!! hahaha! I find teaching fulfilling and in this sweetspot I soar. 

Though I find meaning in teaching, I find it’s so easy to get obsessed with what one does. You won’t find me camping overnight in school although I know of teachers who had done so. Some people search for meaning in their job so consequently they do a lot in order to have an identity. Without their work, they have no identity. Don’t get me wrong. I am not putting down labour. Labour is good, God said so.  

For others, they find meaning in what they have. So they shop till they drop. Good for the economy but bad for their pockets. Others find meaning in sports, relationships, entertainments, sex, drugs. 

"All mirages in the desert of purpose." (Lucado, 1996)

Aren’t we called to be human beings instead of human-doings? How do we find a balance in life such that we do not lose our identity in these things? 

I went to Escape Theme Park on Saturday filled with a sense of excitement and visions of myself riding boldly on all those kiddish rides (without puking or weak knees). At the entrance, I could feel the excitement in the air. Glees and laughters were heard. Or were they really the screams that came from inside? I entered. I saw people flipped 180 degree on the Flipper. I saw kids screaming their heads off on the Viking. I saw Yap toss in the air. They made my head giddy and knees jelly weak. 

It amazes me how malleable our thought processes can be. I tend to think that one’s perspective is usually pretty resilient but when it does bend, it’s usually due to a life-changing experience. It will not be an overnight change but chizelled with time to reveal a crystal-clear vision of what it should have been. I likened it to a tree that has weathered the chill, and heat, and witnessed the blooming flowers and falling leaves. Perhaps it’s us who have gone through a season of change, and now hold a different view to the world accordingly. Perhaps we learn that seasons do not endure, but we do, and thus we view the same subject matter differently. Only time can tell if we’ve become wiser.